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Have to do better than that, computer, cos I’m over it
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‘If you are God you can give me that, cos you’re all powerful, right? There’s still things---’
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The SIN, COS and TAN Functions
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Here, you input the angle value into sin, cos and tan function
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22 The same things wrote he likewise to Demetrius the king and Attalus to Ariarathes and Arsaces 23 And to all the countries and to Sampsames and the Lacedemonians and to Delus and Myndus and Sicyon and Caria and Samos and Pamphylia and Lycia and Halicarnassus and Rhodus and Aradus and Cos and Side and Aradus and Gortyna and Cnidus and Cyprus and Cyrene
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A unit Vision should span a couple of COs tours or about five
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"I did, but he only searched my back pockets and I had the other one in my front, which I forgot about cos it happened so quickly
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“Yea, cos I’m the one who dragged you in a here!” Gulab used the same tone
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And then it got worse and worse cos Kate is Matthews’ girlfriend and they kept giggling and holding hands and I saw them both
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and I couldn’t see if she let him cop a feel cos the serving hatch was too small, but he looked so smug when they came back with
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after it’s gone and Kate was fussing it and telling it that it was a really good boy cos it didn’t bite Matthews when he put the
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I’ve been looking in GQ or it might have been in FHM or Loaded or something (Danny Smith at school got me a copy of Loaded from his brother cos I sort of told him I was writing about
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which is ages away but he’s really into being her boyfriend cos he can cop a feel when he likes and she’is nearly convinced but he wants to get her a pretend dog – cos that will make her wear Kylie shorts and put her arse in his face and stuff won’t it?
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and we could share the money cos we’ll all be happy then – and 43
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like 42 hits, though Toto says that it isn’t a real number cos every time I go there it adds one to the count and I’ve been
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though when we were doing the settings, cos he put my job as
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spend the money on the Moni-me camera except that Toto stole it and hasn’t even got a receipt so I’ve got this crappy shitty camera and it’s all his fault and I hate him cos he could’ve got me this one instead of spending all his pocket money on
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stolen one of those so easy when we were in House of Fraser in Bristol cos they were on the counter when Mum was trying to
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underwear and saying that I should buy Kate some cos at least
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then she’d look like a girl but that was before she became that fat greasy scratter’s girlfriend and I cut her off cos she’s
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own copy of GQ cos first of all I thought it was the one I borrowed off Toto and that my Dad had come across it when he was
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finds them in the end anyway, cos even though the mother had
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trousers off in the garage cos there are loads of weird old
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chemicals from the man who used to live in our house before he died of his heart breaking cos his wife died and his kids had run away from home years ago cos he was boring or nasty to them
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Liverpool’s (who Steven Gerrard plays for) biggest enemies cos they both live near the same park and probably have fights all the time and stuff
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Anyway, we told Dad that we were going the park cos the
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Toto wanted to steal the clanger off their burglar alarm as well, but it’s on the front of the house and people would’ve seen him and stuff, so we just took the dog, which was really easy cos it was as stupid as the rest of the family and just followed us when Toto 58
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I could put my cap on it too if I had it in the corner of my bedroom, cos I can never find it and stuff
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wicked cos it had these really foney plastic bits of meat hanging from the ceiling and you could have a Desperate Dan Cow Pie
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which was cool cos it was like a whole meal in this really massive bowl with pastry on top and two horns sticking thru it
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between his legs and pretends that he’s a girl, well he’s hiding out and there’s this other girl in like a big pit (Dad said it was a geek pit, cos people used to put geeks in pits and throw chicken heads at them before they had computers and got rich and cool
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and stuff) - but anyway, Kate is tied to this table and I feel strange cos she’s all hot and sort of sweating and smelling funny 68
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with Mum about Terry or anything - cos downloading MP3s
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So I was playing with Google and kind of searching for more stuff about Quiksilver cos Dad said he would buy me a Quiksilver T-shirt to put under the Ben Sherman shirt Uncle Terry got me from his mate who’s on
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stupid cos even the ones you buy in the shops are made in
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he hasn’t got any friends cos they’ve had to move to his Mum’s family house cos Daddy is canned at her maj’s pleasure - and
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That’s where Fred West hung himself, and it would be so cool if Matthews’ smelly Dad hung himself cos then he would be
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like she was in Sex in the City but got thrown out cos she looked like a bloke except not that much like a bloke)
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Well, he was like really angry cos he thinks I
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me not to cos it was a family secret bound by blood and
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even though Toto said to go to his party and pretend to be his friend cos you should always keep your friends nearby but you
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after he moved to Arsenal - and I hate them and think it must be weird cos everyone is French, though I guess it’s the same at
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But the party was OK cos Minto was funny and kept telling
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Hi again, I had to get up to write this cos it was the most
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You see, Matthews has been telling everyone for ages how he’s this super DJ and that and even Kate said he was OK - cos his Dad had got him these really expensive decks and lessons at Christmas last year and Minto had seen
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it’s weird cos when I asked Minto why it was ok for him to say it but not for me, he thought it was funny and then he said:
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was talking to Kate cos I asked him to and I said to Matthews
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go and put it on his computer and stuff cos I had to give Toto the CD-R back because he didn’t want anybody else to have a
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Anyway, I just pretended to get real shitty and said that if he didn’t want it I just wish he’d stop pissing me around and treating me like a bitch and all - and he was like ‘no, no’ and stuff cos he really wants Cubasis and all but really was worried about Kate and
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rassed to be seen with Kate cos she’s a kid and everything and a skater-girl whereas Minto says that he isn’t Grunge and he isn’t Rude – ‘I’m an individual’ - but Matthews is dumb like that and doesn’t really think it through
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dark cos he’s got these chrome cover spotlights in the corners of the room and this bar going across the ceiling with a few more on - but they were moving - like search lights or stage spotlights or something - and in the corner of the room he’d got this
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It had speakers all over the room, real little Bose ones like you see in GQ and stuff, but no leads anywhere cos they were wireless and then I saw his computer and it was this iMac looking thing which I’ve seen in PC World at Cribbs that costs thousands and has got a
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dumped Matthews she still wouldn’t want to be with me cos my
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hit the dirt and even though he’d got a real cool room it was still quite dirty, it was just that you never noticed at first cos of the cool lights and it still smelt of wet dog and piss even though his dog was dead and buried and getting even smellier under our
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more about putting Scratman DJ in his place cos it isn’t about money it’s about cojones and mine are the biggest muffas in the whole of this shitty town
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stereo was only cool cos his Dad had paid loads of money for it, and Kate had said that she thought it was funny that Matthews
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painting himself cos I was in his art class last year and he was shit, I mean he was really, really bad, and still Matthews was 88
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The crack sound was loud but I couldn’t hear it properly cos there was this rushing sound like when we used to play in the water pipe by the river and you could hear the water rushing along and it was like it was going to catch you and wash you away into the sea without a lifebelt and stuff and Minto’s book doesn’t cover that - and I didn’t even have the book then but that’s how it sounded and I just put the pieces of the CD-R
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Kate and making her laugh, but he was doing it for me cos he’s my best friend and he knew I had to do something and that he
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Hiya! Man I’ve had such a cool day today, I mean yesterday was wicked with Minto and stuff cos he really helped me and made
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with the funny eyes and the woman who’s always lifting loads of stuff and sort of wobbles cos she ain’t got a bra on
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I didn’t go to a party or see Minto or Kate or anything, all I did was sit at the computer with Toto, but it was so cool cos we were putting the plan into action and Toto was explaining it a bit more and stuff and telling me about BackOrifice which is this really cool hacker tool that he downloaded from the Doctor
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It felt sooo cool cos we could look at Matthews’ computer cos I’d managed to load
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cos he says I was like a real secret agent and that he’s proud of me and I don’t think he’s ever said that he’s proud of me before ever, even when I won a swimming race at school or when I got
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But with this BackOrifice thing it is really cool cos we were
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cos Internet Explorer opened and I kind of jumped up and tried to switch the computer off in case they could see us and Toto
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was killing himself laughing cos I thought that we could be seen even though he told me that we couldn’t
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all these free books and sticker albums and stuff from it later on which will be well cool when they arrive cos I want to collect the stickers for all the Premiership footballers and this means I don’t have to buy the album or anything, but Matthews and maybe
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said that it’s because he read about them in GQ - but I think they must be for Kate cos there were loads of them and Matthews has got loads of spots and doesn’t wash I think, cos he always smells the same - bad, so they must be for her
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Anyway, after a while it was getting boring cos Matthews had
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We’ve been playing spies again, this time it’s been a lot better cos Toto suddenly had an idea and asked me whether I’d
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and calling himself dummy, cos he hadn’t thought of it before
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big and even though it was a bit sort of distorted you could see if you sort of squinted your eyes, cos the blockiness blurs and it is a bit clearer
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Me and Toto just looked at it really quietly, cos it was
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about the ransom note, cos he started looking at these sites that are like Friends Reunited but for people who have lost their pets -
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after we’d come in and had our baths, Toto called me in to look at the computer cos he’d left BackOrifice on so it recorded what Matthews had been doing and he’d downloaded the Mpeg to
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there must have been carpet on the floor inside cos he moved
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good to watch on bank holidays and stuff though not as good as The Saint - the old one with Ian Ogilvy and then that even isn’t as good as Austin Powers which is well cool and he knows Madonna and stuff cos he was in her video, although so was Ali-G and he’s crap, but that ain’t Austin Powers fault
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Man, he must be sooo dumb, me and Toto were laughing but still trying to be cool, but it was so funny and Toto kept saying ‘Can you see if his lips are moving’, cos he reckons Matthews is so dumb he can’t just read in his head and has to say the words as if he’s still in primary school or something
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sunglasses cos Toto’s spent all his money on fags again and
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funny, cos we got chased when Toto grabbed that one and he
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He was funny too, cos all he kept
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But anyway, it was OK, cos as soon as we connected to
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I jumped and stuff, cos we haven’t seen him before and then I was scared that he’d notice that we’d changed our Dad’s bill and that he’d undercharged
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mouse and it fell on the floor, except it never got that far cos it’s got a lead on it cos the cordless one is shit and Toto started 114
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loads of plans and ideas that are really nasty and I’m glad he’s my brother and not my enemy, cos I think he’s really good at
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complained and stuff cos they say so in all the adverts
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Anyway, I shrugged a bit cos I couldn’t see what else we
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them days cos they never even had the internet or Sky or
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‘Panton’, he started, which was weird cos he usually calls me
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‘ Your problem Panton, is that you never had the guts to ask Kate out or asked her to be your girlfriend, cos you were never sure that you really liked her, until, that is, you saw her with Matthews’
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I really wanted to hit him now, cos I have always liked Kate, 118
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saying ‘Shh, doggie, Shh!’ and trying to pat it, but I can’t find a big enough space that’s not covered in blood and shit - cos it had shat itself, you know? All the time these tears are running down its face and it’s crying so loud so loud and whining and
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God I hate dreams like that, but I guess it’s cos I haven’t
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Cos, I want to tell you that today, has been the BEST
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and laff with people that I never even played footie or nothing, cos today has been the PERFECT DAY
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and if I’m ever in a pub and got interviewed cos the BBC are
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‘Well, everything went mad and everybody started laughing, cos the thing I didn’t mention before was that he was wearing a
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But we didn’t know that then cos all we could see was this fat smelly greasy little shit called Matthews standing in the middle of the playground, wearing this really flowery dress that was loads too small for him, him being a fat blubber belly and all, and then he started to sing a Britney Spears song that was popular back then, but cheesy now, but she was a really big singer then and all
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realised that he was wearing her dress cos then she went really red and burst into tears, cos I guess everyone knows that he’s meant to be her boyfriend - cos Matthews told everyone that