1.
He spent some quality time with the loofah but it was painful
2.
“Sorry,” he apologized as I handed him a loofah over my shoulder to use on me
3.
I took the loofah from his hand and traded spots with him so that I could rinse, and
4.
I turned him by the shoulders and discarded the loofah on a handy holder before
5.
So, it is often recommended that you scrub your skin daily with a puff, a loofah, or a grainy exfoliator to help sweep rough skin away
6.
" She tried to cover herself with her soaped arms and the loofah but it was useless, he was free to enjoy the curves of her rear and the long wet lines of her waist and legs
7.
Tea Tree Oil twice a day in conjunction with a loofah bath or shower
8.
• A loofah is a natural bath sponge taken from the fibrous interior of the loofah plant
9.
• Some beauty advisors believe using a loofah once a week for skin exfoliation is enough to keep the area exfoliated
10.
'I've… er… pegged out the sheets,' said Loofah, lamely
11.
Loofah stepped backwards as she advanced again, her old face a mask of righteous anger
12.
A short fat man in a dark suit was hurrying up the road, carrying an old leather briefcase and hailing Loofah with his umbrella
13.
Loofah could hear his distant muffled shouts, he could see his anxious face and his pudgy little hands pressed against the tinted glass
14.
But in reality Loofah was a thousand miles away, secure within his capsule of power
15.
There was no driver, Loofah noted casually, just the steering wheel rotating smoothly by itself and the gear-stick moving to and fro between the empty front seats as they picked up speed
16.
From the inside of his omnipotent conveyance Loofah watched the world slide past with supercilious detachment
17.
Happy children skipped past on the tinted glass and Loofah smiled
18.
Loofah was now looking out onto a high street full of people and cars
19.
With the limousine gone, Loofah was alone in the courtyard
20.
And so, with the enthusiasm of a condemned man going to the gallows, Loofah entered the Office
21.
Loofah waited, she ignored
22.
As he waited, Loofah searched inside himself for the determination to demand her attention, to challenge this corporate annihilation of his existence
23.
Seizing the moment Loofah coughed softly, the sound echoing round the foyer like a rifle shot
24.
OK,' said Loofah, adding hopefully as he struggled up from the seat: 'Perhaps I should come back later?'
25.
'Tea?' Loofah shook his head
26.
Loofah stumbled back into the hush of the marble temple, while behind him the washroom door swung closed on the gurgling horrors within
27.
Loofah followed the receptionist through corridors – carpeted arteries of pulsing power – and open plan offices where computer screens flickered and telephones buzzed
28.
Loofah nodded in acquiescence and smiled weakly
29.
Loofah cringed into his jacket, shivering with guilt
30.
Loofah grinned lamely, wishing he had something to say
31.
Loofah sat on a small swivel chair at a desk wedged between two padded room dividers
32.
Loofah convulsed with cold dread and his mind veered away in desperate avoidance
33.
For a good five minutes Loofah stared blankly at the twin anxious faces that peered out of him from Sutton's eye sockets
34.
'Yes please,' said Loofah quickly, the flint-faced receptionist flashing through his mind
35.
'That's great,' said Loofah as the tadpole chewed contentedly, 'But I think I'll need to do some calculations
36.
Computer, screen, cursor: Loofah realised that there was a vague familiarity about the combination
37.
Loofah smiled and started typing: 'HELLO
38.
Sorry,' Loofah stammered, then struggled to remember what he was supposed to be doing, 'Of course, that's it
39.
'The figures?' Loofah repeated, very tentatively
40.
Loofah looked from the screen to the keyboard, and then back to the screen, squirming with repressed panic
41.
'No, wait,' Loofah cried, but then – quickly recollecting – he dived for the keys, managing to type out 'RES' before the teeth snapped again
42.
Loofah tried again, pecking out the letters on the snapping teeth: 'FIGURES'
43.
Loofah immediately regretted his outburst; it was going to leave him high and dry
44.
It paused briefly when it noticed Loofah watching, cast him a disinterested glance, and then returned to its grooming
45.
Squeaking furiously, this struggled frantically to get its head round to bite him, but Loofah was too quick for it and held its head between thumb and forefinger so that it couldn't turn
46.
Loofah sighed with exasperation
47.
Loofah eased in a little closer and then, with an anguished howl from the rat, he hurled the pointer across the grass
48.
Pulling his chair in to hide the fax, Loofah gave the animal an affectionate though tentative pat on the head
49.
'Thinking,' said Loofah, 'About the figures
50.
As the image faded Loofah glanced absently at the screaming computer
51.
In no time Loofah was at sea in an ocean of desks, potted plants and room dividers, fighting to control a rising tide of anxiety
52.
'This?' said Loofah weakly
53.
Terror flared up as she reached for her telephone; Loofah grappled with the crackling paper, searching for instructions
54.
Picking up the formless, crackling mass between both hands, Loofah carried it over to the desk
55.
Loofah stopped at the end of the office driveway and scrutinised the surface of the fax – now a huge sphere of crumpled paper, a light-weight medicine ball – for further instructions
56.
Loofah was standing on the pavement, staring up at a grand old house of red brick
57.
'My animal?' blurted Loofah, praying that Mrs Frimpton wouldn't recognise him
58.
The old lady was searching in her purse and thankfully didn't look up as Loofah crossed the room behind her
59.
As Loofah pushed open the consulting room door harsh fluorescent light assaulted his eyes and he inhaled neat disinfectant and surgical spirit
60.
As Loofah charged out of the waiting room, pushing past an alarmed Mrs Frimpton, he heard the nurse calling after him: did he want to settle up now or should she send an account?
61.
Unarmed and defenceless, Loofah hurried onwards through the dark corridor between the tall hedges and overhanging trees, as luxury cars glided up and down the hill, watchful and threatening, patrolling their territory
62.
Loofah halted suddenly, cowering under the malevolent gaze of a mock-Jacobean mansion as a cold fluid pooled in his belly
63.
Instinctively Loofah cowered, but as the terrible machine tore past its roar of hatred was muffled to an impotent whisper and its malevolence thudded to nothing against the three-inch walls of his transparent tank
64.
Loofah jerked his hand back as the receiver reared into the air above the box and, balancing on its coiling ringed cable, twisted round to face him
65.
Loofah threw himself sideways and upwards into the opposite corner of the cubicle, but at the same time swung round with his right arm, grabbing for the receiver
66.
Loofah opened his eyes and an undulating sheet of sun-dappled tarmac stretched into infinity from under his face
67.
'It's alright,' Loofah called, 'I'm OK – nothing more than a few bruises
68.
Loofah looked from the shattered telephone on the floor of the call-box to the rapidly approaching outraged citizens – and ran
69.
With a small sigh of relief, Loofah got up from his crouch and, affecting an air of casual innocence, prepared himself for the ongoing dangers of the endless hill
70.
Before Loofah could object, there was a loud click and three beeps, before another voice cut in, a voice he also recognised
71.
Loofah shivered with cold horror and his jaw dropped
72.
Loofah leapt back to the safety of the pavement, tripping on the curb as chrome teeth snapped closed inches from his left thigh
73.
'It was, wasn't it?' agreed Loofah, getting to his feet and feeling every bit as foolish as the bird clearly thought he ought
74.
'Don't trust him,' slurred the zebra, stumbling up to Loofah and breathing whisky fumes in his face, 'Bloody Johnny-come-lately
75.
The zebra blinked at Loofah with swimming eyes and then burst into tears
76.
Loofah glanced anxiously at the road, into the manic river of screaming cars
77.
Behind him, as the jay cackled with delight, the pelican and the zebra yelled a desperate 'stop' with a single voice – but Loofah ignored them and, fixing his eyes on the cinema sign, marched resolutely into the traffic
78.
As Loofah drew closer to the heavy glass doors of the entrance, the cool quiet became a pulsing cold silence
79.
Loofah stared at her blankly
80.
Even in the thick glass of the ticket booth that separated them, Loofah could make out a faint image of the ubiquitous reproachful features that now seemed to haunt him
81.
'That's nice,' said Loofah, his patience beginning to wear thin
82.
'This isn't fair!' whined Loofah
83.
With a disgruntled sigh, Loofah slumped back into his seat, resentment bubbling in his skull like superheated bile
84.
Peony! Loofah guessed what was coming next and winced
85.
Loofah squirmed with shame
86.
Loofah shook his head to dispel dark clouds of confusion, for he had no recollection whatsoever of the Weimaraner
87.
What was going on? Loofah had never been to that cottage, he'd never set eyes on that woman
88.
'It's not me, you know,' said Loofah to the back of his head, 'It looks like me but it isn't
89.
'It's somebody else,' Loofah said, turning to the couple beside him
90.
Loofah couldn't bear any more and turned away
91.
Loofah sank back into his seat, keeping his eyes lowered, avoiding the horrors on the screen
92.
For a few seconds they waltzed together in the corridor, the usherette nimbly matching Loofah step for step
93.
As the usherette disappeared into the darkness Loofah hesitated, struggling to extract meaning from her final words, but then a volley of infant screams burst out from the auditorium, pursuing him like hounds from hell, and with a cry of his own he ran
94.
Sucked into the milling crowd, Loofah was soon afloat in a sea of blank strangers which flowed around him in endless eddies
95.
Loofah did not reply but stared blankly into the chubby face
96.
'But… but it was a doll, just a little plastic doll,' Loofah said, 'Why would I want to – ?'
97.
Loofah watched the anxious patterns squirm and flow in the grain of the table top while Truscott smiled at his hands and Meadows stared at the floor, his face twisted with disgust
98.
'I've told you already: that wasn't me,' said Loofah, 'At least I don't think it was
99.
The Inspector didn't reply, but with a cheerful smile opened the tattered folder on the table in front of him and pushed a second photograph towards Loofah; although blurred, it was clearly his face that the Weimaraner was licking
100.
'I think it was somebody else, actually,' said Loofah, lamely